A Reprimand

(please note that this is directed at the universal anonymous commenter, not just one in particular...although one in particular did spawn this letter)

Dear Anonymous Commenter (hereafter referred to as "Asshole"),

Wow. It has been a while since you and I have come into contact with one another? How have you been doing? Still being a dickface to people who own blogs? Good, good...how's that working out for ya?

Look, asshole, how many times do I have to remind everyone that this is a blog? That this is, in fact, my own little corner of the web that I have chosen to make public? Some may think that, in publishing this blog online, that gives others who share your name (asshole) the right and privilege to post mean, nasty, cruel, or otherwise hurt-feeling-inducing comments on what I write. I suppose that, in the legal sense, this is very true. However, in the ethical or just downright "let's be courteous, shall we?" sense of things, this is neither appropriate nor funny.

You know what the sad thing is, asshole? The sad thing is that most of my comments, the nicest ones, are from strangers (and by strangers I mean people I have never met face to face). When the rare occasion occurs that I find out an asshole's true identity, it has more often than not been someone who claimed to be my friend. How interesting...

So here's the deal, asshole. Because of you, no more anonymous comments (aka asshole comments) are allowed on this blog. I didn't want it to have to come to that, but there ya go. One bad apple spoils the whole bunch (or some other appropriate cliché). You, asshole, are the bad apple, and you've ruined it for the whole class.

By the way, asshole...if you weren't so busy scanning down my entries scavenging for something that pisses you off or triggers that asshole quality that causes you to have the nerve to belittle me or my life...maybe you would have noticed two things: 1) I have a site-meter tracking system, and 2) I now work for an IT (that's Information Technology, asshole) department. Therefore, every time you leave a nasty comment, I simply look at the time stamp, see who was on at that time, and use my resources here to track your IP address and find out exactly who you are. So, to save us both time, asshole? Either say it to my face (because chances are you know my email address), or keep your mouth (and typing fingers) to yourself.

It's been less than a pleasure, asshole, but our relationship ends here.

Cordially,
Frecklehead

P.S. You only make yourself look worse, asshole, when you leave nasty comments that have poor grammar, spelling, and/or any other general misuse of the English language. That only further proves to me what a moron you are.