My Cup Runneth Over...

There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.
Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
English novelist (1775 - 1817)





I'm on a Waterhouse kick lately. The pinup girls will be back soon, I promise. But I'm having an "art phase" where I just want to see more and more of Waterhouse and Hirschfeld (who could not be more different from each other!). So bear with me.

I'm going through a phase, I think. One of those minor changes of self that occur long after puberty, that no one tells you about in any text book. Where your feelings about things change and your body feels like it's morphing more and more into a "grown-up." You know what I mean? Where you can look into a mirror and the roundness of the baby face you had in high school is barely there anymore. I mean, my face is still round but the youthfulness isn't as prominent. I'm not talking about some Dorian Gray type aging where every time you look into a mirror you look like you've aged 10 years. I'm just talking about a different look...a fire in the eyes that's different from the innocent gleam of high school. An overall set to the face that shows that you've loved and lost, found love again, hurt, laughed, experienced. It's slightly overwhelming, but I can't seem to tear my eyes from the reflection sometimes. I love this new "look" and these new feelings. They're hard...harder than anything I thought I'd face while filling in the "life experiences" everyone told me I would have.

I think I lead a very fulfilled life. Sometimes too filled...I load my plate up so high because I'm so afraid of regret. I don't want to be 60 years old and be saying "I wish I'd....." I get a little overwhelmed sometimes, but I never regret the choices I've made. I don't feel the empty space in my life that some people (read: my parents) feel because they took the safe road. I'll follow Babs' philosophy and take the road less traveled by, and I have no doubt that it will make all the difference.

The second part of this phase I'm going through involves my emotions. I've been so affected by music lately. I think that right now my job is to really listen. Because I just can't sing with it. The smallest things make me get all choked up. I couldn't even sing all the way through "Maybe This Time" on the way home yesterday because I felt like I wanted to cry. I'm so grateful that music has that effect on me. When I was doing Jekyll & Hyde, I played "In His Eyes" for Mom once and as soon as Emma started singing, she said, "Why does this music make me feel like I want to cry?" It was like, for one split second (and it hasn't happened since), my mom understood why I do what I do with my life. I've also been on a song lyrics kick lately, so forgive, but here are some good ones. I don't care for country music, but these lyrics are so great:

I HOPE YOU DANCE
By: Lee Ann Womack (slightly modified, some choruses removed)

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give fate the fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance