My mother is a gay man.
Now I know what you're thinking...how could she be? Have you ever gone out in public with a gay man? One of my favorite parts about any excursion of this type is that they have a comment about everyone around them, and it's usually funny because it's said in this total Queen voice. Here is what my mother did this morning:
On the short ride from the gym to the office building, she pointed out two different women who were apparently dressed just too tacky for words, and then as we're pulling into her coveted A Parking Space, she sees someone she works with and smiles and waves. Through her catty little smile she says, "Wow Laura you've really let your ass get huge." OH MY GOD! I actually couldn't help saying, out loud, "JESUS mom!" Her justification was, "What? It's not like she can HEAR me!" *sigh*
My mom was being a pain in the ASS this morning. Keep in mind that I woke up at 4:freckin30 this morning to get Miguel to the aeropuerto for his 6:30 flight. Ugh. So I haul ass to get to her place so I can catch a ride to the gym and not have to pay for parking. I really was NOT in the mood to work out this morning, or even talk to anyone before the sun came up, for that matter. She is always BOUNCING OFF OF WALLS that early. Usually I'm pretty sedated and can stomach her. This morning it was like I had a raggedy, exposed nerve and she was just tap-dancing all over it. Then she says, "Why are you so grumpy?" and that question just pisses me off. Why the HELL wouldnt' I be? I got 5 hours of sleep, I'm going to WORK OUT before daylight, I had to say goodbye to my honey at the airport (which I hate doing), and now she is worse than any big purple dinosaur in her unending cheerfulness mixed with that ever-present splash of nagging with a twist of guilt.
TGIF
I went to Yoga last night, the 5th of our 6 classes, and I didn't have a very good class last night. Turns out I'm hyper-extended in my arms AND legs, so that makes some of the poses quite difficult. Ever the perfectionist, I refused to do the "modified" (aka, EASY) poses, so I was really pushing myself. Then the (very kind, helpful) instructor came over and fixed a couple of things in my "Pyramid" pose and told me to flex my quads. When I did, my leg muscles started shaking uncontrollably and I had to come out of the pose. DAMN. Let's just say that by the end fo the class I was more than ready for the 5-minutes of Shivasana (sp?) aka lay on your back in the dark with your eyes closed and listen to Indian music time. :)
Then I went to the theatre to kill time while Michael finished up with rehearsal and I ended up helping Amanda C. sew bells onto a bra top for some of the courtesans. Thank you, Barbara Cox, for your emotionally-scarring yet highly educational costume I class. I ended up talking with a certain young Philia, who I found out is only 19. She kept saying things about her husband and it was just freaking me out. I can't believe a 19 year old is married. Our parents got married at that age, but hell, people are waiting so much longer these days! I'm 23, and still waiting for the right time. I've found the right person, but now's just not ideal for a wedding. Not with me with barely an undergrad degree and him applying to grad schools. If I got married at 19, I would SURELY have been divorced by now. Yikes.
Okay I need coffee. I'm NOT going to make it through this day. By the time I get off work I'll have been awake for 12 hours already. holy shit.
Email me. Please. Give me something to do!!!
On the short ride from the gym to the office building, she pointed out two different women who were apparently dressed just too tacky for words, and then as we're pulling into her coveted A Parking Space, she sees someone she works with and smiles and waves. Through her catty little smile she says, "Wow Laura you've really let your ass get huge." OH MY GOD! I actually couldn't help saying, out loud, "JESUS mom!" Her justification was, "What? It's not like she can HEAR me!" *sigh*
My mom was being a pain in the ASS this morning. Keep in mind that I woke up at 4:freckin30 this morning to get Miguel to the aeropuerto for his 6:30 flight. Ugh. So I haul ass to get to her place so I can catch a ride to the gym and not have to pay for parking. I really was NOT in the mood to work out this morning, or even talk to anyone before the sun came up, for that matter. She is always BOUNCING OFF OF WALLS that early. Usually I'm pretty sedated and can stomach her. This morning it was like I had a raggedy, exposed nerve and she was just tap-dancing all over it. Then she says, "Why are you so grumpy?" and that question just pisses me off. Why the HELL wouldnt' I be? I got 5 hours of sleep, I'm going to WORK OUT before daylight, I had to say goodbye to my honey at the airport (which I hate doing), and now she is worse than any big purple dinosaur in her unending cheerfulness mixed with that ever-present splash of nagging with a twist of guilt.
TGIF
I went to Yoga last night, the 5th of our 6 classes, and I didn't have a very good class last night. Turns out I'm hyper-extended in my arms AND legs, so that makes some of the poses quite difficult. Ever the perfectionist, I refused to do the "modified" (aka, EASY) poses, so I was really pushing myself. Then the (very kind, helpful) instructor came over and fixed a couple of things in my "Pyramid" pose and told me to flex my quads. When I did, my leg muscles started shaking uncontrollably and I had to come out of the pose. DAMN. Let's just say that by the end fo the class I was more than ready for the 5-minutes of Shivasana (sp?) aka lay on your back in the dark with your eyes closed and listen to Indian music time. :)
Then I went to the theatre to kill time while Michael finished up with rehearsal and I ended up helping Amanda C. sew bells onto a bra top for some of the courtesans. Thank you, Barbara Cox, for your emotionally-scarring yet highly educational costume I class. I ended up talking with a certain young Philia, who I found out is only 19. She kept saying things about her husband and it was just freaking me out. I can't believe a 19 year old is married. Our parents got married at that age, but hell, people are waiting so much longer these days! I'm 23, and still waiting for the right time. I've found the right person, but now's just not ideal for a wedding. Not with me with barely an undergrad degree and him applying to grad schools. If I got married at 19, I would SURELY have been divorced by now. Yikes.
Okay I need coffee. I'm NOT going to make it through this day. By the time I get off work I'll have been awake for 12 hours already. holy shit.
Email me. Please. Give me something to do!!!
posted by Sassy at 10:17 AM
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