I can't even buy a ticket to my boyfriend's show.
I am having such a shitty day, and now, thanks to my father (not my mother this time, for once), I'm sitting in the computer lab, skipping class because I can't stop crying.
Men don't understand this, but sometimes crying has nothing to do with me being upset as much as it's just a lot of shit building up inside me and it just happens to spill out of my eyesockets. And on the day before my period when I realize I'm going to come up short on my bills and I have to ask my parents for money, I'm sorry, but I'm probably gonna cry a little bit.
I'm just so pissed at my dad. I NEVER ask him for anything. EVER. I have maybe twice in my life. So I need about $100, $150 to make sure I'm covered with some left for gas money, so I call and ask him for $50 because I'm too chicken-shit to ask for more. He acts like it's a huge hassle and then when I thank him, my voice starts quivering because i HATE asking for help. then he starts bitching at me, telling me I need to stop getting upset over things, and if I'm tired (which is why I told him I'm crying) then "You need to just find some damn time to rest." What the fuck ever. I'm pretty sure he was just letting his being pissed about having to give me money come out at me like that.
It's not like I'm not gonna pay back the loan. I almost don't even wanna take it now. I don't feel like I deserve to be bitched at when I'm working as full time as I can get (30 hours a week) and taking 12 hours at school. By this time next month, March 15th, that's when my new hours and paycheck will start to make a difference. I asked for a loan humbly, on my knees basically groveling, with the full confidence that I'll be able to pay it back (which is more than I can usually say about asking for money). And I feel like I got shit on.
It's not fair. I'm doing the goddamn best I can. But now I need a little help. And my own goddamn father has to yell at me.
I wanna go home.
Men don't understand this, but sometimes crying has nothing to do with me being upset as much as it's just a lot of shit building up inside me and it just happens to spill out of my eyesockets. And on the day before my period when I realize I'm going to come up short on my bills and I have to ask my parents for money, I'm sorry, but I'm probably gonna cry a little bit.
I'm just so pissed at my dad. I NEVER ask him for anything. EVER. I have maybe twice in my life. So I need about $100, $150 to make sure I'm covered with some left for gas money, so I call and ask him for $50 because I'm too chicken-shit to ask for more. He acts like it's a huge hassle and then when I thank him, my voice starts quivering because i HATE asking for help. then he starts bitching at me, telling me I need to stop getting upset over things, and if I'm tired (which is why I told him I'm crying) then "You need to just find some damn time to rest." What the fuck ever. I'm pretty sure he was just letting his being pissed about having to give me money come out at me like that.
It's not like I'm not gonna pay back the loan. I almost don't even wanna take it now. I don't feel like I deserve to be bitched at when I'm working as full time as I can get (30 hours a week) and taking 12 hours at school. By this time next month, March 15th, that's when my new hours and paycheck will start to make a difference. I asked for a loan humbly, on my knees basically groveling, with the full confidence that I'll be able to pay it back (which is more than I can usually say about asking for money). And I feel like I got shit on.
It's not fair. I'm doing the goddamn best I can. But now I need a little help. And my own goddamn father has to yell at me.
I wanna go home.
posted by Sassy at 3:08 PM
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