To Sleep, Perchance to Dream...
It's that time of year. The time of year when the phone starts ringing off the hook from family members, all trying to find time to fit holiday celebrations with each branch of the divorced families without stepping on anyone else's toes. The time of year when Christmas music is playing non-stop on the radio before I've even purchased my Thanksgiving turkey. The time of year when school starts to beat down on me so forcefully, joining the blows given by two different jobs, that I walk around each day on the verge of tears.
Then I go home to my one-and-only, short-tempered and exhausted, only to find dishes left in the sink and wet laundry set on top of the washing machine (all thanks to the other roomate, one-and-only's brother). One-and-only walks in, all smiles, takes one look at my face and, not understanding the stress building up inside me, says, "What's wrong with you?" I snap back, which he doesn't deserve, and a small (but meaningful) argument ensues. Consensus is reached, so we play a video game together. Then he has prior engagements on his computer, playing a match with his favorite Battlefield 1942 team, so he kisses me on my forehead as I'm lying on the couch and exits for the next hour/hour and a half.
Meanwhile, I fall asleep. I don't remember falling asleep, nor do I remember what I was dreaming. All I know is that almost two hours later I sit straight up on the couch and throw the blanket off of me because I'm covered in sweat. Breathing deeply and heavily, I turn to the other couch to see one-and-only looking at me, worried expression on his face. My eyes well up with tears as I crawl over to where he is and curl up next to him, resting my sweaty forehead in that made-for-me crook between his neck, shoulder, and collarbone. I breathe in deeply, smelling that oh so familiar smell that, within seconds, has me breathing normally and my heart rate slowing down. We watch tv together this way, silently.
Reality sets back in. It's time to go grocery shopping. Always a fun time for us, actually, picking out things we know we'll have fun cooking together, taking turns choosing the cereals we won't have time to eat in the morning. Buying an unnecessarily huge mint chocolate chip Hershey's bar...etc. We go home and put the groceries away, with a kiss on the cheek or a slight squeeze every time we pass each other. The counters are wiped down, and a glass of wine is poured for each of us as he lights the 4-wick candle on the coffee table and turns on the tv. He settles down to watch Forensic Files while I open up my Anthropology notes for the test this morning. A random "I love you" shows up every few minutes during the next 45 minutes.
Finally it's bedtime. We lie down, snuggling up together in the late night that is growing cooler by the minute. He puts his arms around me and I know he wants to make love, but I'm so tired that my emotions well up again. We have had this discussion. I am spreading myself too thin and making myself exhausted, but that doesn't mean that I can ignore him or his needs. I have told him before, if I'm too lazy or tired, convince me. He is trying this now. As tears roll down my face, he kisses them away, all the while whispering in my ear, "I love you baby, we'll get through this together...vacation is on the way...I love you...relax, I'm here..." I try to push away thoughts of the 15 hour day ahead of me, close my eyes, and let myself be loved fully and wholly by this wonderful, understanding man.
Later, lying inches away from him, I watch him fall asleep. I watch is breathing become deeper and more regular, his mouth slightly open. His brow free of the stressful furrows I have seen on it lately...now it is smooth and relaxed. I start to turn over, about to give in to Morpheus for the second time that night and, as I'm finally nestling down, I feel a foot inching towards mine, and an arm around my waist. These limbs tell me "You're not going anywhere, I've got you." I exhale deeply, and relax. There will be no more nightmares tonight.
Then I go home to my one-and-only, short-tempered and exhausted, only to find dishes left in the sink and wet laundry set on top of the washing machine (all thanks to the other roomate, one-and-only's brother). One-and-only walks in, all smiles, takes one look at my face and, not understanding the stress building up inside me, says, "What's wrong with you?" I snap back, which he doesn't deserve, and a small (but meaningful) argument ensues. Consensus is reached, so we play a video game together. Then he has prior engagements on his computer, playing a match with his favorite Battlefield 1942 team, so he kisses me on my forehead as I'm lying on the couch and exits for the next hour/hour and a half.
Meanwhile, I fall asleep. I don't remember falling asleep, nor do I remember what I was dreaming. All I know is that almost two hours later I sit straight up on the couch and throw the blanket off of me because I'm covered in sweat. Breathing deeply and heavily, I turn to the other couch to see one-and-only looking at me, worried expression on his face. My eyes well up with tears as I crawl over to where he is and curl up next to him, resting my sweaty forehead in that made-for-me crook between his neck, shoulder, and collarbone. I breathe in deeply, smelling that oh so familiar smell that, within seconds, has me breathing normally and my heart rate slowing down. We watch tv together this way, silently.
Reality sets back in. It's time to go grocery shopping. Always a fun time for us, actually, picking out things we know we'll have fun cooking together, taking turns choosing the cereals we won't have time to eat in the morning. Buying an unnecessarily huge mint chocolate chip Hershey's bar...etc. We go home and put the groceries away, with a kiss on the cheek or a slight squeeze every time we pass each other. The counters are wiped down, and a glass of wine is poured for each of us as he lights the 4-wick candle on the coffee table and turns on the tv. He settles down to watch Forensic Files while I open up my Anthropology notes for the test this morning. A random "I love you" shows up every few minutes during the next 45 minutes.
Finally it's bedtime. We lie down, snuggling up together in the late night that is growing cooler by the minute. He puts his arms around me and I know he wants to make love, but I'm so tired that my emotions well up again. We have had this discussion. I am spreading myself too thin and making myself exhausted, but that doesn't mean that I can ignore him or his needs. I have told him before, if I'm too lazy or tired, convince me. He is trying this now. As tears roll down my face, he kisses them away, all the while whispering in my ear, "I love you baby, we'll get through this together...vacation is on the way...I love you...relax, I'm here..." I try to push away thoughts of the 15 hour day ahead of me, close my eyes, and let myself be loved fully and wholly by this wonderful, understanding man.
Later, lying inches away from him, I watch him fall asleep. I watch is breathing become deeper and more regular, his mouth slightly open. His brow free of the stressful furrows I have seen on it lately...now it is smooth and relaxed. I start to turn over, about to give in to Morpheus for the second time that night and, as I'm finally nestling down, I feel a foot inching towards mine, and an arm around my waist. These limbs tell me "You're not going anywhere, I've got you." I exhale deeply, and relax. There will be no more nightmares tonight.
posted by Sassy at 11:45 AM
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