Why Cousins Shouldn't Marry

You know, there's always been this joke about people from the south being inbred, their family tree being completely vertical, having a shallow gene pool, etc. But sometimes I think it actually does happen! Eddie Izzard has a great sketch in his Dress to Kill routine about the Royal Family, and how their collective IQ is just continuing to go down the toilet bowl because they want to keep "royal blood" in the family. That's the way it is with some people down here, I swear...just without the royalty. The people I'm speaking of are the white trash variety you usually see fighting each other over some skinny little buck-toothed man or some huge woman wearing a tube top. Why are these people so entertaining to us? Is it because, for one short moment, our lives don't seem so bad? Or is it because we are that cruel and sadistic that we like to laugh at people who are obviously below us in the food chain?

I was on the bus this afternoon and, no kidding, I heard these two freshman girls talking about one of them finding out she's pregnant. I glance to my right using my peripheral vision while pretending to read the NT Daily and see that this girl has blonde hair, 3 inch long black roots, and is wearing a Steely Dan t-shirt that is WAY tight (and has to be totally her mom's...I bet this girl has no idea who Steely Dan is), and stone-washed jeans. She also had a set of teeth that could open a can of Campbell's quite neatly. Now what I don't understand is, this girl and her family can afford college...but not birth control. Is it wrong of me to think these things? I mean, it's almost like they truly desire to live their lives this way.

I actually used to live in a trailer park, and so I have seen the worst of the worst. Hell, my own family is a little too redneck for my taste sometimes...when they have the family reunion at the VFW, I usually make plans to be somewhere else...far away. My own aunt says "he retched across the table" instead of using the correct word which is "reached." So, whoever is listening to her gets a great mental picture of my aunt projectile vomiting across a table full of guests. You know...sometimes "King of the Hill" isn't that funny. It's a little too close to home....