Frustration
Frustration. I wonder what the dictionary definition is. There should just be a picture of me in there, with my phone number. That way people could call me and ask me what it means. Am I ever going to have a decent amount of money in my bank account? Is my mother ever going to stop being such a bitch to me and realize that I’m a completely different person than my brother? I mean, I know my life could be oh so much worse. I’m really a very lucky person…I have amazing friends, a man that I love and who loves me completely and totally, I am healthy, I am talented…but is it still okay to be so frustrated with the hands life deals me?
I am working 25 hours a week on top of a show and a 16-hour course load at school. And now I have to get a weekend job just to make ends meet. Why? It’s not fair. Doesn’t it seem like if you’re working all the time, that you should make enough money to take care of the basics? I had to cut off my cell phone because I couldn’t pay the bill.
About my mother: Derek has always been the favorite child in that household, and I’ll tell you why. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my brother more than anything…but it’s so obvious that he is the offspring of my mother and father. He works 3 full days a week at $10/hr at a job he doesn’t really like, and goes to school the other two days of the week. "Well, at least he’s paying his bills." Yeah, I guess. But is he happy? No…he bitches to me all the time because he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he drinks with his roommates every weekend. A few months ago, he got arrested for a DUI (he wasn’t drunk, the cops were assholes) but my mom just cried and cried. I would’ve gotten and earful. When I had my car accident in February, my mom said, "See? This is why you need to make more money: for when stuff like this happens. And you inconvenience me by making me leave work to come get you." She criticizes my weight, justifying it by saying that she loves me and just wants me to be happy. She uses that same excuse when she criticizes what I do for a job and whenever I do a show. Then she won’t buy me character shoes for my birthday because she thinks they’re a waste of money (after she already told me she’d buy them for me). *sigh*
Last night I went over to her house for dinner with my brother and his roommate. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and when I did tell the story of the girl on the bus, mom just nodded and said, "Cody, how was your week?" to Derek’s roommate. Hello?! Did I not just tell a story here??? Needless to say after that and the bit with the character shoes, I went home early. I am SO ready to graduate and have a more consistent job, and get married and move far away from my family…at least for a couple of years. That way they aren’t breathing down my neck all the damn time.
I am working 25 hours a week on top of a show and a 16-hour course load at school. And now I have to get a weekend job just to make ends meet. Why? It’s not fair. Doesn’t it seem like if you’re working all the time, that you should make enough money to take care of the basics? I had to cut off my cell phone because I couldn’t pay the bill.
About my mother: Derek has always been the favorite child in that household, and I’ll tell you why. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my brother more than anything…but it’s so obvious that he is the offspring of my mother and father. He works 3 full days a week at $10/hr at a job he doesn’t really like, and goes to school the other two days of the week. "Well, at least he’s paying his bills." Yeah, I guess. But is he happy? No…he bitches to me all the time because he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he drinks with his roommates every weekend. A few months ago, he got arrested for a DUI (he wasn’t drunk, the cops were assholes) but my mom just cried and cried. I would’ve gotten and earful. When I had my car accident in February, my mom said, "See? This is why you need to make more money: for when stuff like this happens. And you inconvenience me by making me leave work to come get you." She criticizes my weight, justifying it by saying that she loves me and just wants me to be happy. She uses that same excuse when she criticizes what I do for a job and whenever I do a show. Then she won’t buy me character shoes for my birthday because she thinks they’re a waste of money (after she already told me she’d buy them for me). *sigh*
Last night I went over to her house for dinner with my brother and his roommate. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and when I did tell the story of the girl on the bus, mom just nodded and said, "Cody, how was your week?" to Derek’s roommate. Hello?! Did I not just tell a story here??? Needless to say after that and the bit with the character shoes, I went home early. I am SO ready to graduate and have a more consistent job, and get married and move far away from my family…at least for a couple of years. That way they aren’t breathing down my neck all the damn time.
posted by Sassy at 2:45 PM
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